Everyone has a song that brings back a fond memory or two, and unfortunately everyone also has a song that makes them want to climb a church bell tower.

I know a lot of you are not going to agree with the following list, well you’re wrong these songs are just awful! They should NEVER have been written, scored, produced or put onto master tapes. These people should be embarrassed of their existence and apologize every single day for their creations.

  1. What I Like About You – This song makes we want to punch small bunnies.
  2. Midnight at the Oasis – “Send your camel to bed” REALLY!
  3. We Built this City – From White Rabbit to this – WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!
  4. Uptown Girl – Billy, Billy, Billy…
  5. Born in the U.S.A – This song should have been aborted.
  6. Lost in Love – Should have stayed lost.
  7. Mr. Roboto – Somebody should Fronto Loboto.
  8. Endless Love – Never ending pain and suffering.
  9. Macarena – Mac-a-crapa
  10. Cheeseburger in Paradise – I’ll need the whole bottle of tequila.
  11. Sussudio – What the hell?
  12. Muskrat Love – A song about rodents for god’s sake!
  13. Celine Dion – Pick one!
  14. Private Eyes – My own Private Hell when this comes on the radio.
  15. Hello – Goodbye!
  16. Footloose – Loose bowels perhaps.
  17. Love is a Battlefield – This song should have died in boot camp!
  18. Wind Beneath My Wings – Wind from a dog who ate a meal at the Waffle House!
  19. Take it on the Run – Take it to the wood chipper!
  20. Eight Days a Week – Here’s the reason there is only seven.
  21. Making Love out of Nothing at All – Actually the title should be “Nothing at All”!
  22. Easy Lover – Easy to hate this piece of crap!
  23. The Lady in Red – Red because she shot herself after hearing this song.
  24. The Girl is Mine – So are my bleeding ear drums!
  25. I Will Always Love You – I will ALWAYS hate this song.
  26. ANY Trance song – You heard me Jud!
  27. Ebony & Ivory – Terrible & Horrid
  28. I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing – Should have missed the recording session!
  29. Kokomo – Oh god no!
  30. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go – Never mind leave me in my coma.
  31. Kiss is on my List – Also on my list of crappy songs!
  32. Physical – Working my abs as I projectile vomit.
  33. Africa – African’t!
  34. Ghostbusters – Who you gonna kill.
  35. That’s What Friends are For – Your friends should be honest and tell you this song is terrible.
  36. We Didn’t Start the Fire – Someone was trying to burn down the studio!
  37. Kiss From a Rose – Sharp and thorny – the type of kiss we all want!
  38. Longer – Cheese factor 57.

You’ll notice there aren’t any country songs on this list, trust me it’s not because there aren’t any bad ones. It’s because I don’t know country songs. I did hear one about a green tractor that literally made my right ear bleed.

And as an added bonus for my legion of fans (there could be legions you don’t know!) here is a short list of the greatest bands and singer songwriter EVER:

  1. Led Zeppelin
  2. Pink Floyd
  3. The Doors
  4. Tom Waits

DID I STUTTER!

2 Comments

  1. Once again, I must take offense to your statements. In this instance, you have disparaged songs, which in turn disparaged musicians — and these musicians are MY creations. How dare you insult MY work?!?! Moreover, your list cited not just one but TWO hits by Hall & Oates. Do I sense a bit of jealousy? Sure, Daryl has that beautiful and enviable flowing mane (again, MY creation), but your receding hairline shouldn’t feel threatened — because Daryl’s hair often upstages everything, including the music. Then there’s John Oates. No one, and I mean no one, should ever talk smack about dear dwarfish John Oates and his porno moustache… lest they want their baby to be born with a similarly shocking growth on its upper lip. You’ve been warned, Crunge.

  2. You should diversify your listening! You have nothing from the classical genera. John Cage is the worst example of a musician in all recorded history. His theory: sound is music. Stomp your foot: you just created music. My response: huh?

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