Art is subjective. I agree this is true – to a point. Unfortunately those with bank accounts that exceed their age, weight, height, and IQ multiplied by 30 and then cubed, tend to be the ones who purchase and thus decree with a checkbook what art is. History is resplendent with stories of artists who struggle their entire lives because the aforementioned cerulean bloods decided they weren’t talented. Conversely there are “artists” who have less than a yoctogram of talent whose “works” sell for ungodly amounts of money. And I guarantee you for every poser who makes “art” with crushed garlic a blow dryer and used duct tape there is a truly talented artist slaving away creating beautiful pieces of true art that are largely ignored.

So let’s jump in with history’s largest art hacks; Jackson Pollock, what a ridiculous excuse for an artist. You heard me! I can’t stand his lame ass drip paintings “Lavender Mist”, seriously. You pretentious sack crease! You splattered paint onto a canvas and convinced the art world that they are “abstract expressionist” paintings. On one hand I am impressed by his ability to fool so many into believing (and buying) his work, on the other my heart bleeds for real struggling artists and my Dresden-sized ire is inflamed because of the Cleveland steamers this man left behind!

Number two hack (pun intended) Andy Warhol. What a poser of biblical scale! Who the hell decided that a bourgeois painting of a soup can is art? “Oh, no it’s what the can represents in modern society…” blah, blah, blah. It’s a crappy painting of a soup can, nothing more. Andy Warhol was a graphic artist, NOT a fine artist. Just because you buy into the sub-intellectual hyperbole of WHY his art is held in high esteem DOESN’T make it so. IT’S NOT! How on earth did his cheap ass “painting” of Marilyn Monroe become so popular? IT’S CRAP! Do me a favor, compare his work to that of Max Beckmann (a true artist) and try to resolve the fact that more people know of Warhol’s visual abortions than Beckmann’s beautiful creations?

“The Scream”, you know the painting, we ALL know the painting. Did you know it just sold for $120 million dollars? For the love of all things sane in the world what the hell is going on? I don’t mind that painting; it’s average and doesn’t irritate me as much as Pollock’s explosive diarrhea color forms. But seriously, $120 million?

You know who else gets under my skin like a meth addict’s scabs on a 6-day bender? Grandma Moses. Oh whatever, she didn’t start painting until she was in her 80’s. You know what? Her paintings LOOK like she didn’t start painting until she was in her 80’s. They are comparable to drawings by any five year old with a helicopter mom and a 64 pack of Crayola’s. I’m sure she was a very nice old lady, but come on people the woman couldn’t paint a lick! Say “Grandma” ever heard of a thing called “Perspective”?

Like I said, art IS wildly subjective; there are those who like paintings of the ocean, others may enjoy sculpture, perhaps even exquisitely crafted Easter eggs, but NOT Nagel!  Art is NOT whatever you call it. I loathe that cop out definition and wish more people would come forward and call it what it is, CRAP! Everyone should go to a museum and see what truly talented people can achieve. Hell you don’t even need to go to a museum these days, with the Uber-net you can find art that is to your liking by spending less time on Facebook and more time researching. Here, I’ll get you started, type into Google “James Charles Artist” and enjoy!

8 Comments

  1. Being omniscient, unfortunately I don’t miss a thing. I sure wish I could. And not merely the aforementioned aberrations. Let’s not forget the hellish (yeah, I said it) creations of Thomas Kincade. Looking at any one of his gazillions of iterations of a snow-covered country cottage with windows warmly aglow — or any other of his mass-produced monstrosities, for that matter — is more painful than staring directly into the searing rays of the sun. Heck, I might just do that for an hour or so to ensure I never have to look at his crap again.

    BTW, who’s the greatest artist of all? Me, of course. I created the mountains and oceans and all the wildlife that inhabits them. Enough said.

  2. It sounds like someone was angry they had to paint 75 shades of grey!!!

  3. I love you.

  4. Warhol was indeed absolute shit. The reasons they give for his importance are just as shallow and meaningless as himself and his works, Half of which were not even his. He was a horrible human being and if the work is meaningless and the artist is what is important then that is even worse.

  5. You cannot seriously compare Andy Warhol and Edvard Munch! The Scream might be incredibly famous, but it is an amazing painting full of meaning! I do agree with you on Andy Warhol though, he is a freaking publicist not an artist.

  6. I, for the most part, RARELY comment on things I read online. That being said, I felt the burning need to let you know that, this article is, in fact art! Man, you’ve captured my thoughts perfectly, and I couldn’t have said it better myself (though I’ve tried in many a rant to my poor wife, lol).

    THANK YOU FOR THIS!

  7. Andys junk was a part of the communists plan to replace real art with kindergarden art. They have been promoting “modern” art since the 1960s. Modern dance, modern architecture, modern furniture, modern family. Ugleness and filth. Its all part of the same agenda. Just read the protocols. Its all in the congressional records. Know your enemy.

  8. Love this and sooooooooo agree with you. I’m an artist. Don’t know how good but still an artist. Never been to art school but know plenty of folk who have. A local artist from my local, displayed one of her paintings. It was a pea. Yup! A flippin pea sitting alone on a canvas! I made no comment, as who the hell am I to say what art is? All I kept thinking was, “I need to watch her trash. I may be able to rescue some canvas for myself.” I don’t get it, folks.

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