Sports in the America’s are completely out of control. There I said it! Seriously sports in the US are so ridiculously over-inflated I fear it will crash like a Led Zeppelin (unlike the GREATEST rock and roll band EVER). In general most people who are into sports tend to take them WAY too seriously. Does it really matter if “your” team (as if you have ANYTHING to do with how they play) wins or loses? Will you not be able to pay your mortgage, buy groceries, a new Dickies shirt or a new talking fish for the den? us_sports_fans

Oh you have a gambling problem? You’re a load waffle if you gamble away monies set aside to pay for life! If you are Michael Jordan and can afford to lose millions gambling on sports, great knock yourself out. But the reality is most of us will NEVER be in that category. And as a side note – just once I would like to know what it feels like to slam taking off from the free throw line. Stupid genetics!

Let’s take a quick look at the most popular sports in America today:

  • Baseball
  • Football
  • Basketball
  • Soccer
  • Volleyball
  • Dwarf Tossing

spit-chewBaseball: It’s boring! Shut up! It is and you know it, you just don’t want to admit it. Nine excruciating innings of watching grown men scratch their balls and spit. For the love of god why do they spit so much? Does playing baseball make the salivary glands work in triple time? STOP SPITTING! The game itself can get exciting at times, but is it really worth it to sit through 123 hours of the first 8 innings to get to the final inning? No, no it is not! Purists will say you have to understand the nuances of the game to fully appreciate the sport. Okay, I understand the game. The guy standing on the molehill needs to throw the ball so the guy with the polished club can’t hit it. Twenty-one words and I just summed it up (sarcasm included).

Football: Not NEARLY as boring as baseball! Monolithically large guys running extremely fast hitting each other with enough force to cause a rip in the time space continuum. Something of a Roman spectacle to watch if you think about it. Say that’s a good idea; let’s throw a lion or two into the mix! I know a large number of NFL players have serious health issues after they retire, but the amazing thing is that they ALL don’t! football_hitHow is it that any of them can walk away after being hit by 245 lbs. of pure muscle running 20 miles an hour? Which begs the question – how is it possible that something that large can move so quickly? Oh that’s right, stupid genetics!

Basketball: Far and away more exciting to watch than baseball, FAR AND AWAY! One of the main complaints I have about professional basketball is the amount of thugs in the NBA today. What the hell happened? It used to be that guys playing in the NBA played with professionalism and had a deep held respect for the game. Now it seems like we have amazingly talented athletes taking both their skill and the game for granted. Oh and enough with the tattoos. When you ALL have them the only true rebel is the guy who doesn’t!

Soccer: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, Sorry Gerts it’s just boring to watch.

volleyball_bikiniVolleyball: Okay I can admit it, the only reason volleyball has become so popular is because they show athletic woman playing it in little baby bikinis. I do have one criticism about both indoor and beach volleyball. STOP with the celebrations after EVERY SINGLE play. dwarf-tossLord do they have to high five, hug, dance a jig, pop and lock, do the worm or even the bump every time? No they do not!

Dwarf Tossing: Drinking and tossing dwarves. Nothing to complain about here – move along these are not the droids you are looking for.


  1. but you used to love playing & watching volleyball!
    you’re getting old & crotchety……………..

  2. You obviously were the leader of your high school glee club. Go back to the pee in your corn flakes and leave sports to men you pussy!

  3. If you really want to stir the pot, revisit one of your earlier posts… on hunting. There are plenty of people who think shooting innocent, defenseless animals just for kicks is a sport. I can’t wait until evolution finds a way to arm the bucks.

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