1. The sax playing at the end of Saturday Night Live! It’s like a shrill harpy screaming directly into your ear canal
  2. Arch Nemesis evil laughs. Why do all TV and Movie villains have a maniacal laugh? Do they all have the same psychosis that causes over the top, fake and inappropriate laughter?
  3. Shrieking women. Enough with displaying the hysterical 1940’s women. Have any of you EVER seen a woman act this way? Eek a mouse!
  4. Women that refer to themselves as goddesses. Until you can bring forth weather, dissipate, fly, turn water into vodka or use a golden lasso to make people tell the truth YOU are NOT a goddess!elephant_pet
  5. Why don’t we have miniature elephants to keep as household pets? Come on. I REALLY want one!
  6. People. Yes this one still makes my list.
  7. Watching TV or movies from your childhood. This will do NOTHING but make you really, really sad. Oh my god, how BAD was Smokey and the Bandit!?
  8. The Day-Glo comeback. It was horrific in the 80’s and it is equally chaffing today.
  9. Mandles, flip-flops, toe shoes, bare feet. Yes I’ve said it, repeatedly, before but the descent into flip-flop sandal hell continues.MrsKravitz
  10. “Excuse You”. Who the hell says this? I’ll tell you who – crotchety old house wives.
  11. People who want the minimum wage to be $15. Are you high??? Perhaps you should have stayed in college, went to a trade school, apprenticed as a haberdasher or created a web site where kids can buy knee socks! You work at Burger King dropping fries into grease, be happy a machine isn’t doing your job, YET!
  12. Business owners that put their children or grandchildren in their commercials. They are ALWAYS annoying, spoiled, untoward terrible children!
  13. Bono. If I have to see that pretentious, holier-than-thou tool one more time I’m going to lose it. And take off those stupid sunglasses. Hump!
  14. “Believe You Me” – What the hell does this incorrectly stated proclamation even mean?
  15. Cigarette butts – Stop throwing your stinky butts in the street, out of your car, in the front of buildings, in potted plants, into children’s cereal and of course in the left front pocket of a Members Only jacket.
  16. Having to tip the pizza delivery person. I LOATHE giving them money for walking 15 yards from their piece of crap car to my front door.
  17. Affirmative Action – If there is a worse piece of legislation ever written I don’t know what it is. Do you want to go see a doctor who didn’t have the grades to get into college, grad school and med school BUT got in solely based on the color of their skin? That is the definition of racism!!
  18. Guys who wear a knit hat on any day that is above 45°. What is wrong with you? Knob!Two-Many-Face-Piercings
  19. Face piercing. SO tired of people with their ridiculous face piercings and disgusting stretched out ear lobes. GROSS.
  20. Toe-Walkers. Okay I realize this one is odd, but for some reason seeing toe-walkers rubs my fur the wrong way.
  21. The number of people on disability, welfare or any other government assistance. ENOUGH!
  22. People who start a sentence with “Honestly”. Now why would I want you to be honest? No, no please lie to me!
  23. Miley Cyrus’s tongue. Seriously how gross is that thing? It’s like a horrific petri dish that has a MULTITUDE of virulent e-coli cultures waiting to attack.
  24. Drivers who don’t user their blinkers. COME ON, it’s literally 9 inches from your inconsiderate left hand!
  25. Sampling. It really should be called Stealing! If you aren’t creative enough to write your own music don’t become a musician! Ice Ice Baby.
  26. When people flip off the camera when their picture is being taken. Ooohhh you are so edgy, I bet you even tear off your mattress tag!
  27. Holding a door open for someone and NOT getting a “Thank You”. I don’t care who you are if someone holds a door open for you show some common decency and say “Thank You”!!!!Questlove
  28. Putting on a delicious pair of new socks and then stepping in water on the kitchen floor! Ohhhhhhhhhhh the humanity!!!!
  29. Mouth breathers. Ugh.
  30. Ahmir-Khalib Thompson. Take that stupid comb out of your hair you chode! I’m really not sure what is more irritating the ridiculous comb he keeps in his hair or his idiotic stage name “Questionlove”.
  31. Vertigo. Every terrible thing about getting too drunk without any of the fun!
  32. The cost of the new MacPro. Holy crap those are just awesome, but do they really have to be priced the same as the GDP of some small countries? Damn you Gerts!
  33. Greg.

2 Comments

  1. Favorite is # 33.

  2. Impressive list – especially considering that the Ides of March has yet to arrive. Will the coming fortnight reveal another thirty-three irritants for our enjoyment?

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