Let’s face it at some point or another we have all have fallen victim to clothing trends in ridiculous fashion, whether it be parachute pants, stinky grunge wear, show-your-crack baggy pants, skinny jeans, or the most recent assault on the senses – white-rimmed sun glasses. Of the aforementioned list I will admit to wearing grunge like clothes in the past, and quite possibly the present. Sure I have worn a blue shirt with black pants, and then told I look like a bruise. However, my wearing a plaid shirt and jeans is a far, far cry from Johnny-ass-hair wearing skinny jeans, toe shoes, a glam shirt and white-rimmed sunglasses all the while driving around town in his parent’s hybrid mini-van.

I realize that every generation complains about those that follow their own, and so let me go ahead and add my 1.37 cents worth. If I see one more ass clown wearing those “please punch me in the face” white-rimmed sunglasses I’m going to lose it and come at them like a whirling dervish on a three day angel dust binge! Can I be the only one who has a complete and total disdain for these ludicrous looking sunglasses? Seriously, these things make the wearer look like a four-year old playing dress up with mommy’s make-up kit. I’m not sure if I hate these abominations or the Hollywood “cover my entire face” sunglasses more. Both of them scream to the world “look at me I just won the worlds biggest scrot cheese award”!

A quick side note, in the past I have commented on my complete and total repugnance for toe shoes, today I saw something that tops them. “Not Possible” you say, hmm well how about WHITE toe shoes! You heard me; today at the gym there was a dipstick wearing white toe shoes. I simply cannot fathom what was going through his mind (assuming it is functioning properly) when he not only bought them, but put them on to go out in public. I can only imagine he is doing it as a joke, because no one with any sense of endimanche would be caught rotting in their graves wearing this footgear that has sprung from the ass of the devil himself. If you know me, you know I am far (like the other side of the globe far) from the proverbial fashion maven – FAR. But come on people Toe-Fucking–Shoes!

Okay back on track; remember when we used to look to Hollywood stars for the latest in fashion trends, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez on I Love Lucy, now there were two well-dressed individuals. Look at how far we fallen – Tila Tequila, Lady Gaga, Bjork, Justin Bieber, and my favorite – anyone who wears their baseball hat to the side! Look people there may have been a few rappers 10 years ago who really did grow up in a dreadful part of town. Unfortunately today we are left with the rest of the populace trying to emulate that look by buying clothes so they appear that they are also from the streets. You are not. You are an effeminate looking poser whom is running late for tea and crumpets at daddy’s country club!

It also seems to me that women these days have completely no shame at all when it comes to showing a little skin. And by a little skin I mean approximately 93% of their epidermal layer. Ladies let me point out to you an honest truth; men’s imaginations FAR exceed your reality! You do not have to leave the house wearing skin colored nipple tape and a bedazzled thong to garner some attention! Do you realize there are but three women in the world who can carry off that look, and sister you are not one of them. So please run up to Target, buy a mirror and remember that cottage cheese belongs in the refrigerator not walking around town! I would rather imagine a woman’s figure underneath a jaunty sun dress than having it’s jell-o shaking reality thrust upon me in black spandex until I want to stare at the sun so I never have to see again!

While everyone out there wants to be an individual please realize the minion you become by donning the latest trend(s). You are simply jumping on someone else’s bandwagon trying to be an individual by copying another person. Do you not see the fallacy in this thinking?  Come on, toe shoes – REALLY! So at the end of another embarrassing day the only thing you are accomplishing is having something to look back on and be embarrassed about in six months! And you better pray to Hathor that no one has taken a picture of you and posted it on the interslice!

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