1. NASCAR – Here they come, there they go. Here they come, there they go. Lord!
  2. Poker Tournaments on TV. – “Wait. Wait. OH he actually threw a Jack!”
  3. Tony Little. God I want to yank that ridiculous ponytail off his stupid head!
  4. Driving slow in the fast lane. – I so wish I had a bumper car.
  5. TV news anchor banter. Shut the hell up and read the damn news. Dang.
  6. OPEC cartel. Cartel should say it all.
  7. David Lettermen – I don’t get the hype.
  8. Paris Hilton – Seriously what a Skank.
  9. Dancing with the Stars. Enough said.
  10. The intelligent design theory. Right on par with the Flying Spaghetti monster.
  11. Soap Opera’s. Acting class anyone, anyone…?
  12. People who live in the desert. I don’t care if it’s a dry heat, it’s still 118°!
  13. Bindy Irwin. Loved your dad. You, however, chaff me you precocious little wanker!
  14. Racists. Is it possible to be more ignorant?
  15. Country music. Sorry Irby I just don’t.
  16. Baggy pants. Crack kills you dirty underwear showing corn hole!
  17. Talking on your cell phone at the gym. See related article here.
  18. Christmas songs. I want to stick bamboo shoots into my ear canals – repeatedly and often!
  19. The Grateful Dead. There simply isn’t enough acid in the entire world to make this sound like music.
  20. Fruitcake. Wait. What?
  21. Adults who dress up for Halloween.
  22. The Cereal Toppers commercial. I just want to punch that guy directly in his big, dorky face!
  23. Radio stations that say “Rocktober”. It isn’t clever now, it wasn’t clever in 1967 when it first was announced on AM stations.
  24. Noah’s Ark. Two of every animal, hmm a gene pool that is really muddy and extremely shallow!
  25. Wool as clothing. Why not just wrap yourself in some nice comfortable asbestos, mmmmm scratchy.
  26. The remake of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT Watch it.
  27. The Home Shopping Network. Seriously.
  28. Jar Jar Binks. Nothing more can be said about this.
  29. Starbucks. Burnt, strong coffee anyone?
  30. The UPN. How about we base ALL of our shows on the intellect of a 5 year old that has been brought up by a pack of feral Poodles.
  31. People who eat liver. Do they not realize the function of the liver? Mmmm pool filter droppings, yummy!
  32. People who drive a Hummer. Unless you’re Arnold you simply look like a Douche Bag!
  33. Slapstick comedy. Oh look a pie in the face. Oh I’m laughing so hard I cracked a rib!
  34. People who still write checks at the market. Why are they ALWAYS in front of me?
  35. Evangelic Christians. Look here Jebodiah, there is a chance you’re wrong!
  36. Why we can’t cure the stupid common cold. Rhino virus my ass!
  37. “Hand shakers” for more than 5 seconds. For the love of god let GO of my hand!
  38. Barber Shop Quartets. Nothing like a band of screeching banshees who think people want to hear their annoying 1865 top 14 hits.
  39. Guys at the gym who NEVER work their legs. Watch out Chicken Little here comes a strong gust of wind!
  40. Why alcohol is legal but pot isn’t. Driving while drunk kills people. Driving while stoned means there will be no Twinkies at 7-11.
  41. ADHD. This is just a lack of parental control, face the facts.
  42. Billy Mays. Shut your shouting cake hole for god’s sake!
  43. Size 0 models. No really Anorexia looks good on you, I simply love the way your clavicle catches the light!
  44. Leg warmers. Yes I’m basically naked but at least my lower legs are toasty warm.
  45. Classifying Alcoholism and Obesity as diseases. Cancer is a disease, drinking and/or eating too much isn’t!
  46. Beards or Goatee’s without a mustache. No, no that Quaker look is really quite fetching.
  47. Child beauty contests. “Say how about we dress up our daughter to look like a freakish woman-child prostitute because we are trying to make up for our own shortcomings.”
  48. The WWF, WWE or whatever they are calling themselves these days. This is on par with NASCAR, I just don’t get it.
  49. Phil Collins.
  50. Why the Rolling Stones are still touring.
  51. Why Tom Waits isn’t!
  52. Movie stars who insist on stating their political beliefs. Did you even graduate from high school? You are an actor, that’s it, now shut up and read the lines someone else wrote!
  53. Ice skating shows, ice dancing, ice capades, stupid ice-skating.
  54. TV shows where a guy will refer to his sister as “SIS”. NO ONE says this.
  55. Gum. Are we cows or humans?
  56. Hanna Montana or whatever the hell her name is! Granted I’m not the demographic they are aiming at, you know a 12-year-old screaming Mimi who needs nothing more than to shut the hell up.
  57. Face piercings. Sorry you lemming you are not original or unique in any way as you so obviously and painfully think. You do, however, look like you came from the desert and are out on a hunt for some more meth.
  58. Parades. Far too many people waiting for even more people to walk by wearing oversized heads, what the hell?
  59. Refried beans. Looks and smells like something toxic that has oozed out of the local landfill.
  60. Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, or any other “social” networking site. This phenomenon just proves how sad and lonely most people are. “Please be my friend”,  “Someone hold me”, “I’m not alone, I’m not alone…”
  61. Skinny jeans. Why is that the only people I ever see wearing these are teenage boys who have legs that could be substituted as toothpicks.
  62. Parents who let their children scream in public. Can you not hear that damn kid yelling, for the love of god please shut your little brat up so the rest of us don’t end up in a church bell-tower.
  63. People who are perpetually happy. What the hell are you hiding?
  64. Why it took 20 years for “Chinese Democracy” to come out, it basically sucks chod.
  65. People who scream on roller coasters. All you are doing is trying to draw attention to yourself, and trust me no one wants to hear you.
  66. Why George Lucas hired that kid to play the young Anakin Skywalker. Just awful.
  67. Tyra Banks. She is more annoying than a puppet show done with Popsicle sticks and spoken in Pig Latin.
  68. Anyone who thinks Andy Warhol was an artist. Just because the word “artist” is in the phrase “Graphic Artist” doesn’t make it so. “Oh look I did a graphic representation of a soup can, I am the greatest artist of all time.”
  69. Faux Hawks. Have you seen these posers that don’t have the balls to actually get a Mohawk so they gel their up into a faux hawk. Pussies!
  70. Old man ear hair. I just can’t stop staring and thinking that there are small animals foraging around in there for food scraps.
  71. Pronunciation of the letter “W”, it IS NOT “dubba” unless of course you are talking about George W!
  72. Why aliens only kidnap sub-intellectual red necks. The aliens must have a very skewed viewpoint of the human race.
  73. Taggers. Once caught we should lop off their hands!
  74. Pre-Marital counseling. If you need counseling before you get married perhaps you need to rethink things.
  75. Jimmy Buffet. Maybe if I woke up drunk in Mexico… hmmm, nope not even then.
  76. High School Reunions. Okay I did go to my 20th but lord what a waste of time. I can barely remember last month, I sure as hell don’t remember high school.
  77. Why we just don’t kill anyone who is a member of NAMBLA.
  78. Mullets – Sure it gives the rest of us something to laugh at, but seriously what are you thinking when you look in the mirror?
  79. Judge Judy. Oh wait she’s smart, logical and hates poor grammar, LOVE HER!
  80. Girls who name their pets with designer or car names, i.e., Dolce, Mercedes, etc. All this does is make you look like a completely non-creative boob who probably doesn’t possess two synapses that fire at the same time.
  81. The new Muppet voices, they sound like some C-level prop comedian wanting to get into voice over work. Don’t bother, but I do believe that Burger King is hiring for a nighttime assistant to the assistant manager.
  82. Muffin tops that seemingly possess no level of humility or shame. You must have a mirror or two at the house, please use it!
  83. Bumper Stickers. No one cares that your child is “special”, nor about your political beliefs, or even your religious dogma. Basically all you are doing is proving to the world that you are a complete ass munch!
  84. Why we are bailing out the auto industry, banks, and people who bought a house out of their means. If my business is run poorly and produces a shoddy product will the government bail me out? NO!
  85. Those who say “I’d like to give a shout out”. This make you sound like a wannabe stink muffin who thinks they are something they are not.
  86. Electronica, Trance, or whatever the hell they are calling that “music”. I think the aspirin companies are behind this phenomena because they know they will sell more products to those who actually listen to it.
  87. Mimes and Clowns. Unless of course it is an evil clown, then that’s okay. But there is no situation in which a mime is okay. Ever.
  88. Women who think it’s a “Right” to breast feed in public because it is “Natural”. Well so is going to the bathroom but we do that behind closed doors!
  89. Parents who get their underage (under 18) daughters breast implants. Why not just buy them a pole and rename them “Star” or “Destiny”.
  90. New Years Resolutions. If you need to change your behavior starting New Years Day, you are destined to fail year after year. Stop kidding yourself!
  91. Dane Cook. Feel bad for him, but for me the comedy just isn’t there.
  92. People that own birds. What the hell? Birds are supposed to fly, “Say honey, how about we get a bird, lop off their wings and stuff them into a cage that is barely larger than their natural nest.”
  93. Men who wear sandals. The only thing worse are those who wear socks with sandals. Men should NEVER wear sandals, ever.
  94. The explosion of people who wear thongs, flip-flops, or Jesus shoes. These are only acceptable if you are at the beach and you are a woman. That’s it.
  95. Guys who can tell you every statistic on every player in their particular pro sport of choice. How truly sad is your existence that you have to track every little fact, seriously what are you trying to make up for?
  96. Smokers that feel we are taking away their right to smoke wherever they want. Not sure where smoking is a “right” to inflict on everyone else you stink rod!
  97. The Sham-Wow commercial! I really want someone to bang that skid mark right in his pinched little face. “Are you following me camera guy?”
  98. Why dogs don’t live as long as we do. Our pet dogs should pass away on the exact same day as we do, in our arms!
  99. Exactly when young girls go from cute little girls to whiney, self-centered, egotistical trollups.
  100. People who volunteer their time. Granted, they are much more giving and loving then I am, but I still don’t get it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>