red_centCan someone please tell me what happened to the America that used to be self-reliant, self-sufficient, and damn proud to hand out smallpox blankets? It used to be a complete embarrassment to be on the government dole, but now it seems as though people are actually proud they take from the U.S. economy without contributing one red cent (he he he…red). Well, I say, “No more!”

Do you know you can get social security payments from the government if a member of your family dies and you are diagnosed with PTSD? Are you kidding me?!?! Hey, I’m sorry for your loss, but you know what? The government doesn’t need to pay you so you can hug it out at a “Survivors of Parents Who Were Killed by Feral Rabbits” meeting.

vade_dadI realize how hard it is for single parents—moms or dads—to raise their children. But you know what? Maybe you should have thought about that before you got together with the local junior college water polo team and popped out four illegitimate dependents. And it’s high time we start tracking down all the deadbeat dads who skip out of both raising and paying for their progeny. When we do find them, we should garnish every single paycheck they receive, lop off their coin purse, and force them to get a giant DD tattooed on their foreheads!

Perhaps what we need to do is implement psychological and written tests to see if you are capable of being a good parent. Think how much that will help clear up the muddy swamp that is the U.S. gene pool. If you don’t pass the test but still want to procreate, well, you get to try again in six months. But you have to pay $500 each time you take the test AND the test gets harder each time you take it. If you can’t afford to take the test, then we know there is no possible way you can afford to have a child. Boom!

train_wreckAs far as the runaway train that is the welfare system in this country is concerned, here’s my idea. And, yes, I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating:

  • 1st six months on welfare – Job testing, then job training.
  • 2nd six months on welfare – Finish job training, start job hunting.
  • 3rd six months on welfare – Finalize job hunt, and end of the free ride!

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” I couldn’t agree more with Mrs. Ritchie on this quote! No matter who you are, the minute you go on welfare, the clock starts ticking and there is a finish line, so you better get your life in order and start thinking about being a productive member of this society! Also, when you are sucking on the government teat, you will not be permitted to have any children. If you are in the position of requiring help from those who actually do pay their taxes then, ergo propter hoc, you simply cannot afford to bring a child into this world. Louder Boom!

Ddreadsisability payments are the anchor that is tied around the ankle of the American public, and we are getting really tired of dog paddling in the open ocean. How many billions of dollars are wasted on people who are scamming this system? I have no idea, but I’m guessing it’s enough to lower the deficit by half! I say, if we catch you swindling the system, then your punishment will be to recreate your supposed injury AND take you off of all payments. Let me give you an example. Say you have been lying about a leg injury you received at work and have been taking monies from the government for three years. Well, guess what, Billy Bob? We’re going to take a baseball bat to your good knee, not pay you another dime, AND sue you for all the back payments you stole! Sonic Boom!

Just with these few aforementioned ideas, we can start getting this country back to where it once was AND should be today. If your bleeding heart can’t stomach these ideas—TOO BAD! It’s time we start being proud of what and who we are as a nation. So quit the stinky drum circle, throw away your toe shoes, cut your gross dreadlocks, take a shower, and go get a job!

7 Comments

  1. Does this mean I need to go get a job, too? Isn’t today Sunday? I need some rest. My last six days have been a doozy.

  2. Spoken like a true Conservative

  3. foreign help ?
    can we trim the $11000 a year per israeli family ?
    military trimming….. $200 billion on the F35 project no one is buying, even discounted 40%.

    • No. No we cannot. Now go back to your anti-semitic meeting sing a round of kumbaya and put together a few dream catchers!

  4. Hate you? This is the first time I’ve ever liked you! Not bad for a leftist doucher like you. Punch to your face.

  5. You are definitely not a compassionate conservative.

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