You may think that racism, homophobia, xenophobia, sexism, and surprisingly even StevenSegalism are a thing of the past, but I’m here to tell you they are alive and well.  Granted these long held “family values” are not out in the open (and celebrated) as they were years ago, but that doesn’t mean they have disappeared from the map entirely. People today are not as overtly hostile as they were in the 50’s, but this only means they have become more adept at hiding their true discriminatory feelings like a rabbit-eared Playboy under a 14-year old’s sticky mattress.

These tart teets whom desperately hold onto these odd belief systems may think they are part of the human race, but in fact they are still looking for that elusive first rung on the evolutionary ladder. One foot firmly embedded in the primordial ooze and one simian-like paw on the small step stool of their inbred lives. And while you and I may debate if they do or do not have opposable thumbs, they are out there making our slushies, spraying our bowling shoes, putting olives in our olive loaves, and of course hosting shows on FOX and CNN.

The aforementioned Coryphodonian dipsticks like to hide in plain sight behind the shield of dogmatic brainwashing. Whether it is because of their upbringing, religious perspective, political affiliation, or lack of cerebellum corrugation, they are the iron anchors around the ankles of common decency and self-actualization.

It’s easy to spot the over-the-top hostile bigots like shaved head neo-Nazis, Jesse Helms, Mel Gibson, Henry Ford, George Wallace, Jeremiah Wright, and of course ex-president Carter’s monthly Palestinian drum circle. Now while we may not agree with the neo-Nazis’ skewed perspective, at least they have the balls to be open about their beliefs. Unlike the plethora of bipedal red-baboon-ass-dolts that hide their true feelings like the impotent cowards they truly are. Most people avoid stating their true discriminatory thoughts either because they know deep down in the rotting flesh recesses of their psyche that they are wrong, or more than likely, they are candy-asses whom are incapable of being honest with themselves let alone the rest of the world.

Have you ever heard someone say that the “Jews” control the banks? As a Jew I am here to say it isn’t true. How do I know this? Well at the last meeting we took a head count, and it turns out there were only 4 bankers present. As a microcosm of the US at large, this number turns out to be only 3% in the banking world. Some maggot encrusted meat sticks think we control all the banks, the media, the jewelry industry (you can’t say “Jewelry without saying “Jew”), the lucrative cloud seeding business, Yo-Yo Aficionado Magazine, the Flowbee empire, and of course Hollywood. I wish we did! At least then maybe I could get a home loan for a 1% interest rate!

What about the self-righteous cheese-filled weenie wedgies that oppose gay marriage and say it’s to preserve the “sanctity” of marriage between a man and a woman? Because apparently Brittney Spears getting married in Las Vegas for less than 24 hours is not affront to the sanctity of marriage, but two people whom have been together for 20 years IS a mockery to the institution. Kind of like the people that protest abortion but have done absolutely NOTHING to help the millions of suffering children in the world. They would rather force their small-minded viewpoints on the rest of the world than actually do anything to help. I would love for ANYONE to explain to me how two people getting married in any way has an impact on their own marriage. Is your marriage so weak and tenuous that two people across the country somehow cheapen your bond, relationship and marriage?

While there may not be a 100% crossover, more than likely these antecedent homophobes also feel that black people are not equal to their own one-tooth, beer swilling, tires on the lawn, underwear hand me-down families. They won’t ever come out and say this to your face, but pour a few bottles of Schlitz in them and watch how fast their vitriolic hate spews forth like explosive diarrhea after a meal at the Waffle House! They will say things like “black people this” or “black people that”, as if they’ve met every single black person in the world and can now say with certitude that ALL black people act in a certain way. Sorry there David Duke but that is as dim-witted as a single 1.25 watt light bulb trying to light Dallas Cowboy stadium.

And to make sure I give everyone equal time… all white people don’t walk like they have a stick up their ass, we all don’t sound like Urkel, nor do we dance like Pee Wee Herman on a turbulent booze cruise! That comedy routine has been more abused than a voice-synthesizer at a Rebecca Black recording session. SO STOP IT!

The latest display of vacuous reasoning is political discrimination, and before you get your big boy panties in a bunch, this type of intolerance crosses ALL party lines. Republicans calling liberals “elitists”, Democrats calling conservatives “religious nuts”, Tea Party members yelling “Socialism”, take your pick! Once again I say unless you have met every single member of either party and ran a spreadsheet to understand the statistics keep your repugnant mouths shut! All Republicans don’t think the same, nor do all Democrats, so stop with the mind-numbing generalizations – all they do is prove to the world how truly close-minded you are.

Oh and if you think the left or the right controls the media you are a conspiracy theorist plain and simple. Think about this; every time the media does a story about a gay issue they inevitably show you footage of the most flaming men or the angriest of lesbians, never the majority of homosexuals whom are normal and no different than you or I. This would prove the media is right slanted correct? How about when the media does a story on the Tea Party and only shows the shouting vitriolic nut bags instead of the plethora of normal party members whom don’t cry and stamp their feet on camera. This would prove the media is left slanted right? So the fact is the media does these things to rile up their viewers to garner more advertisement dollars through larger viewership. If you still think the media leans one way or the other you might as well buy some land in Montana, set up a militia, buy a violin, and wait for the collapse of the republic.

Perhaps the people out there who infect the world with their nauseatingly unhealthy perspectives should take a moment and reflect on their own single-celled troubled minds. You may have convinced yourselves that you aren’t a racist, but the fact is you are and there is simply no room for your single strand DNA in a progressive world.

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