The last few years have shown an amazing proliferation of “Social Networking” web sites, my thought – “what ridiculous waste of time”. From Facebook to MySpace and now on to Twitter, these web sites painfully point out how unbelievably sad and lonely most people’ day-to-day existence truly are.

Unless you peaked when you were seventeen (and if you did you simply stopped trying) why would anyone want to reconnect with people from high school? I honestly don’t understand. What could you possibly have to say to one another? “Well Johnny from my 11th grade English class how has your life been since we graduated from high school?” Do I care? No. Do I want to hear about the two failed marriages, the kids who are in therapy, the hypertension, a slight incontinence problem, your middle management position, or even how fat “Watermelon Helen” has gotten? Nope, couldn’t care less. Do I want to meet any of these people over drinks and talk about the “good ol days”? Really were they actually that good? Sure they were innocent, but the best days of our lives?

So to promote your website as a way to reconnect with friends from high school holds absolutely no interest for me. Furthermore do I really need a page where my “friends” can post moronic pictures of themselves in compromising positions (Hmmm perhaps that could be a nano-second of entertainment, or even a future consideration for black mail…). Have you read some of the sub-intellectual postings that people write on their “friends” MySpacebook page;

  •  “Ohhhh Tom that was a wild weekend”
  • “Tom, keep on rockin!”
  • “Ask Tom about “Squeaky” “LOL”
  • “Righteous bro, party on”

It’s like a high school yearbook written by a crack head that just smoked some Drain-O after staying up for 4 days straight arguing that Boss Hoggs was a real person. Have we learned nothing from Frank Silver and Irving Cohn?

The latest site to garner the media’s latent attention is Twitter. Which could possibly be the worst of all the Social Networking players. 140 characters to tell the world “I just bought new shoe laces”! For the love of god there is something wrong with this country if we are so interested in the excruciatingly mind-numbing benign lives that other people live. I couldn’t care less what Ashton Kutcher is doing at this very moment, it doesn’t enter my stream of consciousness to check in and see if Oprah has posted any recent words of wisdom. Nor do I care if Miley is no longer happy with her Porsche. Come on people lets get past the hype and realize what a ludicrous idea this web site is. No matter what side of the digital fence you are on – if you follow ANYONE on Twitter you are sad and lonely, or if you type about every agonizing minutia of your daily life, either way – SAD, SAD, SAD.

The only people who can say they use Twitter and not be embarrassed are the creators of the site itself. They can tweat all the way to the bank, they rest of you are just lemmings looking for the closest cliff! “Tweat” – Oh god make it stop!!!!

Oh, and for the height of hypocrisy if you want you can click the Facebook link to the right to my own FB page. Let me belly up to the bar and order a nice refreshing bottle of personal pretentiousness. Delicious.

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