We’ve all seen them. The benign, sub-intellectual, maudlin, effusive, loquacious, inane made for TV sit-coms (which used to stand for Situation Comedy). Unfortunately, the majority of them these days are complete and utter train wrecks which hold absolutely no interest for the viewer. What studio executive(s) are green lighting these shows?  They make a special ed’ 1st graders report on the color blue seem like one of the most intriguing stories every composed.

The proliferation of poorly written, feebly acted and reprehensibly directed steaming piles of llama poop that pass themselves off as sit-coms is mind numbing. I can possibly see that to help the economy we need to put third and fourth tiered actors to work, but where are these appalling writers coming from? Is there a school out there whose curriculum includes: “Joke Telling 101,” “Oh no you didn’t theory,” “Catch Phrase Creation,” and the always full class, “Prat Falls – They Kill Every Time.”

And why is it that despite the complete lack of humor, someone keeps giving Tyler Perry money to make more shows and movies? Please stop – they are just awful! The only possible way to make them any more intolerable would be to include Ernest, Alf, or the Snuggle Bear as Madea’s sidekick! Is there anyone paying money to go watch these visually blinding acidic eye drops? Here’s a piece of advice: take off the dress! Look Tyler, it wasn’t funny when Milton Berle, Flip Wilson, Martin, or Joan Rivers did it, and it sure as hell isn’t funny when you do it. Say, I have an idea for you, why not just steal material directly from Dave Chappelle (at least he’s funny) a la Carlos Mencia and pretend it has never been done before.

Mr. Belvedere, Family Matters, Mama’s Family, Alf, Meet the Browns, Joey, According to Jim, Webster, The Lucy Show, Blossom, Small Wonder: what common thread do all of these shows have? ATROCIOUS WRITING! Not to mention acting that makes soap opera actors look like Meryl Streep and Marlon Brando. These shows are so damaging that you actually loose IQ points if you watch them for more than 2.24 seconds. Have you also noticed that all of these, and many, many, many more shows seem to share the exact same laugh track? Come on people, pony up the money for Pro Tools and create your own laugh track from the painfully cute Cookie the Penguin.

I guess that since we now have over 832 channels (on ESPN alone) from which to choose, inevitably there will be a percentage that are appallingly benign. But come on, it seems as though it’s now the rule and not the exception. How is it that Pushing Daisies was cancelled but The Jamie Foxx show is still assaulting the air waves with its soul crushing weekly transmissions? It’s rather like having liver flavored Jello with corn chunks as an after dinner snack.  NO ONE enjoys it.

I do realize that it is difficult to create hit shows like Cheers, Seinfeld, South Park, The Daily Show, Pee Wee’s Playhouse, or even H.R. Puffinstuff (hallucinogens not included), but can’t we try just a wee bit harder? Instead of trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator, we should encourage smart, well-written shows that don’t insult the intelligence of a floating goldfish!

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