If you happen to be a dog owner like me, and if you are one of those arrogant bastards who is under the misguided belief that you don’t have to pick up after your dog, I have news for you, YOU DO! Yes – even you big tough guys who enjoy taking your pit-bull out for a walk so the rest of the world can see your painfully obvious over-compensation for what you lack in the penile department. As a dog owner you do have responsibilities.  First and foremost, carry doggy bags with you and pick up after your dog!

I, like everyone else on the planet do not enjoy stepping in, seeing and/or smelling your dog’s left behind corn encrusted gifts. Seriously, you own a dog.  For the love of God – act like a responsible owner and curb it. Your mother isn’t following you around and cleaning up your messes any longer. Well, maybe she is since you probably still live at home at the age of 32 while you work on “finding yourself.”  Let me help; go to Google and type in “loser.” There, you’ve been found!

If you don’t think it’s your job to pick up after your dog, then how about letting your pooch crap on YOUR yard everyday.  I bet this doesn’t last more than a week before you start picking up the fly encrusted maggot nurseries. This is especially true for larger breeds.  Have you seen some of the small mountains they leave behind? If Sir Hillary were around today, he might actually schedule an expedition to the top of these mammoth piles of dog droppings.  Peanuts do make for some excellent handholds!

Small dog owners are not immune from this lack of moral responsibility either. Your little tootsie roll presents are just as unwelcome as the large dog fudge fallings. The small dog chocolate nuggets can be more troublesome since they are so much harder to see. Until, of course, you get home and ask yourself “what the hell is that smell?” One quick look at the bottom of your butt firming walking shoes reveals the horrific truth – dried, brown chunky pudding has now been embedded into the just cleaned carpet.

Look people it’s pretty easy – dog owners need to realize it is their job(s) to pick up the doggy dookies everyday. Owning a dog is a privilege that comes with adult responsibilities.  If you can’t handle them that’s fine. You shouldn’t own a dog. Oh, and you should definitely not breed with your current trailer mate and bring additional irresponsible human beings into the already over pooped planet. Clean up aisle 4!

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