Every single one of us knows someone who is doing an absolutely appalling job of raising their children. Oh you may not admit it to your friends, your spouse, a small garden frog and definitely NOT to the parents in question. But we all know who they are and the exact reason(s) why they are making the rest of us pay for their complete lack of parenting. These are the kids whose parents treat them as a friend NOT as their children. tom_collinsThis is just a harrowing, abhorrent and disastrous path to take as a parent, you’re NOT their friend, they have plenty of friends. What they need is someone to show them the right path(s) to take in life. They need a parent to teach them right from wrong, the value of a dollar, what hard work means and of course how to darn a sock, churn butter and mix a proper Tom Collins.

This generation of over the top self entitled children stems from their families but are quickly supported by the media, TV, movies and of course the anti-christ herself: Jan Brady. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. These deplorable children truly believe the world revolves around them and everyone else is here at their behest. Devil-JanWell guess what Michael? Once you get out into the real world and actually have to get a JOB and be self-sufficient, things aren’t going to be the cushy “let my parents pay for everything” ride it’s been lo these 23 years (and counting).

If you let your little succubus drive your car and he gets into two accidents, which were entirely his fault, and then proceeds to have a third accident where he actually totals the car because he was texting, DO NOT buy him another car!!! What is wrong with you? The child obviously doesn’t possess the micro-intelligence to avoid hitting other cars, curbs, trees, garden gnomes and sometimes wandering caribou. smashed_camryAt some point this literal accident waiting to happen is going to really hurt or actually kill someone. And guess whom they are going to sue? Yes, the owner of the car! Stop supporting this person, they simply don’t care about other people because they know no matter what they do mommy and daddy will make sure everything is okay. Just horrifying parenting!

Oh, and STOP posting pictures of your children on the Bragbook!!!! Your friends may not say it to you but it is more annoying than being forced to walk barefoot for 3 miles on rusty nails wearing a wet bathing suit filled with sand, Gatorade and Mike Tyson! Trust me, your children are NOT as cute as you think nor are their average antics special in any way. “Ohhhh look at little Skyler score a goal” It makes me want to jam sharpened radioactive rods into my eyes.

Parents PLEASE for the love of Narcissus stop spoiling your sparkling little angels. You are only setting them up for an astronomical failure when they can’t comprehend why they didn’t get into MIT with a 2.1 GPA. hipstersTelling your special little buttercup that she is the reason for life on earth is the exact reason we have so many stars and no extras in this movie that is life. The reality is they aren’t stars, they aren’t second players, they aren’t even extras, they are a paying audience member who dreams of being famous. Remember when being a star meant you had to have some discernable talent? Yes. I miss those days as well, now we’re stuck with “reality” stars, auto-tuned singers and hipster doufi (yes that’s the plural of doufus).

JupiterI realize most people believe they are being good parents by buying their children everything they want, taking them on 37 vacations a year and constantly telling them how perfect and remarkable they are. The reality is that the EXACT opposite of what you are hoping to happen will occur. They will grow into self-centered “I deserve better” disastrous people. You are solely responsible for releasing these cretins into the world who think they should be handed everything in life instead of having to earn it. Your children are incomplete human beings that have been stilted in their development because you want to be their friend instead of their parent. STOP IT! You are making the world much less pleasant and the rest of us have to deal with this monstrosity you’ve created. And all the pitchforks and torches in the world won’t make a dent in their Jupiter sized egos because it’s not “IF” they will be a star but “WHEN!”

One Comment

  1. Sound advise.

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