We need more fill in the blank in;

  • Government
  • Schools
  • Businesses
  • Army units
  • Bowling alleys
  • Haberdasheries
  • Wet nurses
  • Pearl divers
  • Volcanologists
  • Cobblers

Does it seem like we are hearing this absurd call to action more and more these days? To wit; here is an actual quote that Western Washington University asked its local community: “How do we make sure that in future years we are not as white as we are today?” And the winner for the most racist comment goes to…

ZoidbergSay here’s a novel idea for your admittance criteria; accept the smartest people possible. How insane is it to think that a school is more concerned with the color of skin than they are with intellectual acumen? Now who was it that said “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” I want to say Zoidburg but I’m not 100% sure, maybe I should Google this…

Everyone should be given the exact same chance to apply to the college of their choice irrespective of physical characteristics. The ONLY considerations of admittance should be grades and test scores. Anything outside of this is nothing less than preferential treatment for a person who doesn’t deserve to be accepted. If you don’t have the grades or test scores to get into college, well too bad, that’s life. Now go get an application for the Waffle House and shut your yapper!waffle-house

Equally vexing to me is the fact that women firefighters have lower strength and fitness requirements than their male counterparts. You know who should find this repulsive? Feminists should, that’s who. Feminists should be outraged that the test for women firefighters has been altered for them because the actual test might prove too difficult. There is absolutely NOTHING about this that resembles anything close to equality! All it does is put peoples lives at risk because some politician wanted to garner more votes from women, emasculated men, wood nymphs, lemurs and some species of sea horse.seahorse

And now let’s slam head first into Affirmative Action. How I abhor this racist piece of legislation!! I have no idea how this law was EVER passed. It has to be the most racist law that has ever been. Perhaps even more racist than saying it’s okay to have two drinking fountains; one for people and one for fainting goats. Granted you don’t want to be stuck behind a fainting goat on hot summers day, but to have separate water fountains is just downright despicable. I cannot understand how Affirmative Action was ever passed. It is unbelievably insulting and discriminatory. Do you want to see a doctor who didn’t have the grades to get into college diagnosing you? I do not! Not to mention the unfortunate person who should have gotten in but was denied because the college was trying to meet some arbitrary color criteria. No matter how you look at this law it is discrimination plain and simple.

All applications should do away with the “what race are you” box. A person’s race should be of no concern to whatever establishment, school, business or Keebler elf tree they are applying to. Don’t colleges and business want the most capable and skilled people they can acquire instead of saying, “look at how diverse we are”? Yes you are diverse, but that’s not the point. You passed up a better-qualified candidate solely for the fact that you need yet another Korean-Irish-Dwarf-Inuit student. It would be best if they didn’t have to consult a Pantone color wheel to see who is the best candidate.

Furthermore, we should do away with grants and scholarships based solely on skin color, hair length, number of Twitter followers or understanding the nocturnal movements of nomadic three toed sloths. They should be awarded to those who most deserve it. We should look at the way scholarships are awarded to elite athletes as the base model for all grants. Do you think Notre Dame is going to award a football scholarship to a 123-pound Japanese nose tackle because they need more diversity in the front line? No they are going to find the BEST person for that position regardless of race, and that is how all applications should be handled.nose_tackle

So the next time you are on trial for capital murder ask yourself “do I want an attorney who squeaked into college because of their skin color” as opposed to the one who scored perfectly on their SAT’s? If we cared only about the QUALITY of the person instead of their physical characteristics we would have a much better society. Well, unless of course they happen to have a highly infectious life threatening disease that is transmitted through the skin and they want to hug you shirtless. In such a case feel free to judge them based solely on their skin color, because if it’s green and resplendent with open wounds – run!


  1. Agreed, love the seahorse, article was a bit breathy.

  2. I choose #7 Wet Nurses! babies need boobies….. all colors of boobies, mix & match boobies, blue footed boobies!
    Love your article! agree on all counts!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>