“Miraculous”. Are the media, religious fanatics, the boy scouts, and even the local haberdashery using this word WAY too often? Do these people not understand the definition of the word “miracle”?

A miracle isn’t someone who makes it through 21 hours of surgery, it isn’t the fact that a child fell in a well and was pulled out alive, nor is it seeing Jesus’ face in a grilled cheese sandwich. Nope, sorry Jebodiah, a real “Miracle” is seeing, actually seeing someone walk on water (and definitely NOT Chris Angel – Mindcreep). Other examples of a miracle would be

  1. Any politician saying what is actually on their mind
  2. An evangelic religious nut practicing what they preach
  3. Paris Hilton not looking like she is constantly smelling poop.
  4. The price of gas NOT going up right before summer.
  5. Al Gore admitting Global Warming is made up
  6. Tyler Perry writing something funny

People PLEASE stop attributing luck or science onto some god, a deity, or even the flying spaghetti monster, as a miracle. It isn’t. Get a hold of yourselves and realize there is no need to sensationalize everything that happens in the world. The next time you watch the news pay attention to how often this term gets thrown around – like orange tan spray on the set of Jersey Shore.

It seems the word “Miracle” tends to be used after some sort of natural catastrophe, i.e., a tornado hits (yet another) trailer park, and by some stroke of luck a child survives despite being hurled about like Raggedy Andy. Now don’t get me wrong I do feel bad for this kid and his family, but a miracle it isn’t. Sorry Cletus and Billie Joe it’s just dumb luck that Jethro Jr., didn’t end up with a rooster weather vane sticking out of his chest.

I’ll tell you what else I would consider a miracle, the day ALL Americans realize there is absolutely NO difference between our elected officials of either party. The day this comes to pass, and let’s face it – it won’t, actual angels will come down from heaven and weep tears of E-Class diamonds. Another miracle I would like to see is Jimmy Carter admitting that he hates Jews and wants nothing more than to see the Palestinians take over Israel. Damn peanut farmer! Have you ever wondered why children’s peanut allergies have exploded in this country since he was President? Coincidence. I think not!

Remember when the Chilean miners were pulled out of the earth after 70 days in a collapsed mine? The media was having a waking wet dream each and every day that passed without their rescue. Once these guys were rescued the media had to insert the word “miraculous” into every third sentence. Everyone thanked their god of choice for this miracle, say Martin Luther here’s a novel idea how about we thank the engineers, inventors, and the men who actually did the rescuing and therefore should receive ALL the credit for the miners still breathing. Not Casper the ghost! Maybe an actual miracle would have been the tons of dirt floating in mid-air so the miners didn’t get trapped in the first place!

Unless you have actually witnessed a miracle taking place right in front of you in broad daylight with at least three other witnesses and an HD video – IT’S NOT A MIRACLE. Look we all feel bad that your family was swept away by a flood but the fact that some of them survived IS NOT a miracle. It’s luck, a basic flip of the coin and this time some of them won. A miracle by definition means there was some sort of divine intervention. Why would the almighty deem it appropriate to help one person over another? All things being equal why would god choose to save one child and not another? Sorry, it doesn’t make sense. And as Judge Judy says, “if it doesn’t make sense it probably isn’t true”. Well except for the Nixon face on an Eggplant now THAT’S a miracle!

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