Do you think it’s possible “News” shows could be more stomach churning nauseating than they are today? I would like to think not, but I get the feeling I might be wrong. Damn it! News anchors have morphed into retarded 12-year-old girls who screech and hug each other awkwardly after not seeing each other for an earth shattering 12.35 minutes.news_casters

Why is it that newscasters speak to the lowest common denominator of encephalitic sub-intellectual viewers? Shouldn’t they present the news with acumen and wit and force those whom don’t understand to learn? Instead of giving the news to 3-year-old children who have been raised by bears their whole lives, they should be speaking as if ALL viewers have IQ’s that actually cross into the three-digit range.

If I see one more news show where anchors do that irritating fake banter I’m going to run screaming “Hitler was a gay black fish” into the next clan meeting I come across. Greg, when is the next meeting? These shows are supposed to be “reporting” the daily news NOT telling Cathey she looks like a Cathesicle reporting on the inclement weather! cathycicleNot only do these people need to stop the fake bantering but why on earth do they feel it’s necessary to speak over one another? STOP IT!!!! READ the news we all know you didn’t write, as straight forward as possible. AND don’t inject your personal political or religious viewpoint. When you do this the only people who take you seriously are the blind followers of said politics or nutragious religion.

CeleryCan I ask one simple favor from ALL news outlets? Don’t ever, ever, EVER report on anything Jimmy Carter says!!! He is a raving anti-Semite who needs to go back to Georgia, crack a Billy-Beer and shut his driveling, old man, drool encrusted, purple bass fish mouth. Do you know he blamed the massacre at Charlie Hebdo on Israel!!! He most assuredly did. Did he say it was the bat shit crazy terrorists fault? Nope, he blamed Israel. Jimmy, run along and keep your acerbic vitriol to yourself, fade away to the local white’s only cemetery – you water logged celery looking hump!

matt-lauerMorning news shows have to be the lowest rung on the termite infested wooden ladder that is today’s news. I think if we calculated how much time they actually present the news compared to how much time they fake laugh, talk about how to make the perfect cheese triangle or let the creepy weather guy do whatever it is he does, we would find that the news is approximately 12% of the total sum of the show. Oh look Matt Lauer is dressed up as woman again. How is this news, how is this funny, how do the producers look at themselves in the mirror without opening a major vein? It is NOT entertaining, it is not news, and it is a disgraceful display of televised tomfoolery and chicanery. I say “GOOD DAY!

Can we PLEASE get back to writing, producing and presenting the news as NEWS? Not as newstainment, newsrazzi, newspinions or even news-o-rama in smell-o-vision. I’m assuming, and god help us if I’m wrong, that most people are sick and tired of the light speed descension that news shows have taken in the last thirty years. All we want is for some talking head to read the news, that’s it! We don’t care about your opinions on religion, politics, shields_yarnelentertainment, selfies, pineapple upside down cake or how you are the first to report on how quickly eyelashes grow. We want to know what is going on in the world, let us decide if we agree with what happened in Israel, Ferguson, New York, Baltimore protests riots and of course the horrific tragedy when the Kings Hawaiian Bread factory had to shut down for 2 hours due to a Shields and Yarnell bit gone awry. Stupid mimes.


  1. “News as news” will not be coming back. Real journalism has long ago died and sensationalism has become the industry standard. Is it just about ratings and advertising dollars? I report, you decide.

  2. Next Saturday, 9:00 PM, Fontana, the Henry Ford memorial fields ( as to your question about the next meeting). And how dare you blaspheme our nation’s precious gem, Jimmy Carter!

  3. What freaks me out, is when you see popular TV reporters play a role in a movie as a TV reporter, which of course makes the report being given by them, be a completely fictitious report.

    The freaky part is that their behavior, attitudes, facial expressions, etc., are EXACTLY the same as when they are giving real reports in the real world.

    You simply can not discern one from the other.

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