Oh and guess what Skeeter? No one cares if Kaa breaks the bonds of his cage and takes you out, we really don’t. We do, however, care if he gets out and kills a child, a real pet, your wife, a potbelly pig, an innocent Members Only jacket, or god forbid a G.I. Joe with Kung Fu grip!
And surprisingly worse than the weird creepy snake owner is the completely misguided crusty breadstick who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to have a wild cat in the house. Ranging from a cougar (no not an over the hill used-to-be attractive housewife with shrimp cocktail French manicured toenails, bile rising…), a panther, a liger and even an African lion. Yes a 500 lb. African lion for god sake! And if you think I’m exaggerating, do a little research and find out for yourself just how many of these mentally deficient individuals are out there. How unbelievably selfish are they to think it’s okay to lock up an animal that normally patrols a few hundred kilometers as his territory? “Oh but I love Kimba with all my heart and he loves me back”. If you really think he loves you the same way you love him spend some time in his cage without a gun. 10 minutes later and its Budweiser infused Cletus-Chops for the entire pride!
Let’s take to the air junior birdmen, while most birds may not be very dangerous or even deadly, except of course if you happen to have a pet pterodactyl, an East Peruvian killing Shrew, or the knife wielding Australian emu, they should NEVER be kept as pets. Think about it, what is the ONE thing birds can do that we ALL wish we could do? Yes FLY! And what is the very first thing most people do when they get a bird? Clips its wings and put it in a 1.25 cubic foot cage. It’s like getting a dog and removing its legs so it won’t run away from you. You sick bastard! Owning birds as pets should be illegal, I cannot understand why anyone who has a singular salt grain of compassion can possibly think it’s okay to lock a bird in cage.
On up the evolutionary ladder we climb to the primates, no I’m not talking about keeping a cute Lilliputian in a habitrail. I’m speaking of course, about the dullards who seem to think it’s a good idea to own a monkey, chimpanzee, a bonobo, or even a lowland gorilla. Have we learned nothing from The Planet of the Apes, Hail Caesar! They may be extraordinarily cute when they are babies, and they may have piercing blue intelligent eyes that look directly into your little black soul. But when they reach maturity and they have uncontrollable RAGING hormones that dictate they gnaw off your face and pound your body to a pulpy mess. I hope the last thought you have is “Uh oh, I’ve made a huge mistake”. Yes. Yes you have!
Even though we have the ability to capture and keep wild animals in horrific enclosures – it is NOT acceptable. It should be illegal to keep them as pets, to purchase them, to sell them and especially to capture them. It is an unconscionable act that is unforgiveable. As the current preeminent species on the planet it is incumbent upon us to protect and keep safe every animal that doesn’t have the aptitude or opposable thumbs to shop at the Piggly Wiggly.