1. You call your coffee “Joe”
  2. You wear Ugg boots in the summer – Okay EVER!
  3. You talk on your cell phone at the gym
  4. You have a Chinese tattoo and you’re not Chinese
  5. You walk ever so slowly across the street (diagonally) in front of waiting cars
  6. You have ever typed “LOL”
  7. You don’t pick up after your dog
  8. You talk and wear a blue tooth phone at the gym
  9. Your sunglasses are almost as large as your entire face
  10. Your underwear stick out over your pants
  11. You actually watch MTV, VH1, or any “Music” tv.
  12. You use the term “Blog” more than once a day
  13. You have a Myspace and a Facebook account
  14. You wear your baseball hat slightly askew – like a four year old
  15. You think your children are special (THEY ARE NOT)
  16. You think there is a difference between the Democrats and Republicans
  17. You believe your religion is “Right”
  18. You think being gay is a “Choice”
  19. You believe in “Global Warming” – 100 years of data for a 4.5 billion year planet
  20. You’re an attorney
  21. You are an outspoken anti-abortionist but have never adopted a child
  22. You think some people can speak with the dead
  23. You have ever made a diagnosis of “Fibromyalgia”
  24. You are a neurosurgeon whose name starts with D and ends with uma
  25. You think Barry Bonds needs an asterisk by his name
  26. You picked Sarah Palin as your running mate
  27. You have appeared on an episode of “Cops”
  28. You think smoking in public is your “right”
  29. You wear pants that accentuate your “Wall Ass”
  30. You have worn a thong in public – our imagination will ALWAYS exceed your reality!
  31. You have ever beat your children – not spanked – beat, and yes there is a difference!
  32. You run from the cops and when they catch you say “okay, okay, okay” like it’s a game of “tag – you’re it”
  33. You think the media is “liberal”
  34. You think the media is “conservative”
  35. You had anything to do with the Carl’s Jr. “Don’t Bother Me I’m Eating” campaign.
  36. You picked out your tattoo from a book at the tattoo parlor
  37. You drink Starbucks coffee (Mmmmm burnt)
  38. You say “Kinde-Garden” not Kindergarten
  39. You say “Punkin” not Pumpkin
  40. You voted for George W. – TWICE!
  41. You have ever had collagen injections
  42. You think the Holocaust wasn’t real
  43. You think others should live by your own odd moral code
  44. You have ever said “…But It’s a Dry Heat”
  45. You say “Ax” not “Ask”
  46. You have text messaged while driving
  47. You have ever harmed an animal, especially a dog!
  48. You don’t think Led Zeppelin is the best rock band EVER
  49. You have now, in the past, or at anytime in your life, had a mullet
  50. You have written an article on how to tell if you are a douche bag.

4 Comments

  1. You use buzzwords because you think it makes you appear to be smarter than your audience.

  2. Your job title includes the word “marketing”.

  3. You accept government cheese which you eat while watching your high def TV or while surfing on high speed wi-fi in your rent subsidized apartment.

  4. You’re over 25 and the book value of your car is more than your net worth.

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