If you haven’t been irritated with me before, I believe this article will chaffe your sensibilities enough that you may want to start drop kicking kittens. The truth is you will probably agree with me on 90% of the following names, and want to give me an atomic Indian burn for the remaining 10%.

Here is the list (in no particular order) of the top 28 most annoying, horrible, ridiculous names that hump licking parents name their children;

  1. Brittaney
  2. Breanna
  3. Caitlin
  4. Mackenzie
  5. Dylan
  6. Lexi
  7. Jocelyn
  8. Destiny
  9. McKenna
  10. Jayden
  11. Aubrey
  12. Makala
  13. Hannah
  14. Nevaeh
  15. Quanisha
  16. Shaquetta
  17. Shaneekwa
  18. Skyler
  19. Lexus
  20. Brooklyn
  21. Kristen
  22. Jermajesty
  23. Coco
  24. Harley
  25. Jr.
  26. Mercedes
  27. Dick
  28. Princess

And parents STOP using alternate spellings of names! GOD is that annoying. You may think it’s cute and original but the fact is your child will spend the rest of their lives correcting people. And because they learned how to be monumental narcissists from you they will do so with Olympian sized indignation. Like we should all know that Christine is spelled Krystiine! A Doi.

Want to know what is the absolute worst name on the face of the planet? Greg. Lord what a dumb name. Do you know what Greg means in Latin? It means “Devil Fish Anal Crust”. So there’s that.


  1. Don’t forget the white trash custom to add a -Lynn or -Bob to the end of any name!

  2. and also add to your hilarious list: Trinity, Heather, Ashley & Montana…………………… you are cracking me up!!!!!!!! I’m really surprised that “Brett” isn’t on your list!

  3. How could you feature a photo of the Brady Bunch’s dearly departed cousin, Oliver, yet fail to include his name? That’s just sinful. And let’s not forget the poor children of celebrities upon whom were bestowed some of the most heinous names ever, including everything from fruit (Apple Paltrow-Martin) to knock-you-over-the-head obvious nods to the land of drugs-a-plenty (Moroccan Carey-Cannon) to the old folks home (Hazel and Phinneaus Roberts-Moder) to perhaps the first two notably unfortunate monikers (Moon Unit and Dweezil Zappa). But I must take offense to one name on your list: Jermajesty. That’s my son’s real name. Jesus is merely his nickname. We got it from the gardener.

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